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Submit your question to Spiritual Director, Catherine Tran using the form below and a short response will be posted on this page. Submissions remain anonymous. Questions may be paraphrased to protect confidentiality. Find responses below.
Responses
Dear Spiritual Director: I have a hard time saying no to people. Since I am committed to certain charities and ministries, when people in those organizations ask me to do something, I feel like I should do it. I may not have the time or the energy or even want to do it, but I drag myself through it because it is the right thing to do. I feel too guilty saying no. How can I learn how to say no when I don't really want to do something or I am over committed?
-Too Busy
Dear Too Busy: There are so many needs out there in our world. There are so many good things we could be doing. I think it is important to figure out what you really have a passion for and stick to that one thing. Leave the rest for others. Also, examine your own motivations. Actually, we are arrogant if we think that it is only going to happen if we do it. We may be thinking that we can do it better than anyone else. Our busyness can be a result of trying to compensate for past errors. Maybe you need to be needed, which is also about making others dependent. There could be many reasons why you can't say no. Discern what is going on within you and address that issue. Saying no becomes easy when you are feeling good and confident about who you are and what God is calling you to. God does not call us to conflicting vocations or to be overworked. We lay those burdens on ourselves.
- Catherine
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Dear Spiritual Director: I would like to be a person who prays every day. I have tried and tried to be consistent about daily prayer time, but too many things get in the way. If I try to get up early in the morning, I oversleep. If I try to take some time during my lunch hour, I am too distracted by what I should be doing at my desk. If I try to pray in the evening before bed, I am too tired. I am feeling guilty and inadequate. Do you have any suggestions?
- Unfaithful prayer warrior
Dear Unfaithful: First of all, take it easy on yourself. Having a daily prayer routine is a discipline that can be very difficult to maintain, so don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work out. Just try again and keep in mind that God knows the desire in your heart and will honor that. It is helpful to start with some modest goals. You might try praying three times a week for a while and when that gets to be a faithful habit, add a day. Also, set yourself up for success. Prepare a special welcoming and private place for your prayer time. If it is a place that is pleasant and comfortable, you are more likely to spend time there. If you're not a morning person, set aside another time of day when you are alert and rested. If you have children around the house, expect them to be curious and perhaps even intrusive. If that is something you don't welcome in your prayer time, set aside time when they are at school or in bed. I have often said that it is useful to take a day off each week from our usual prayer routine or to take vacations from your prayer discipline from time to time. Time away from a prayer routine may lead to the discovery that your routine is in transition and needs to be rethought. Finally, keep in mind that there are times in our lives when a regular daily prayer time is just not realistic, such as when there are young children in the home that need constant care, or during a crisis or illness, or during times when routines are totally disrupted. These real demands on your time may become living prayer which delights the Spirit.
- Catherine
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Dear Spiritual Director: I have some good friends who all go to one of the local community churches. It is a very big church with lots of people and a dyanamic preacher. My friends tell me I won't go to heaven if I don't believe the same way they do. They seem to be very certain about what they believe and anything different than that means I'm no good and all wrong. Sometimes we have debates, but nobody changes. I am a Christian, but I don't want everyone to think that I think the same way as my friends.
- Feeling judged
Dear Feeling Judged: Certainty and black and white thinking are common in the more fundamental brands of Christianity. Not all Christians agree with this kind of thinking and some Christians welcome ambiguity. I have often said that it is in the tension of the contradictions of faith that we find the infinite depths of God. Feel free to treasure the paradoxes and dwell in the tension. If anyone thinks they have all the answers, they are closed to the activity of the Spirit. You can only show that you are not like your friends by not being judgmental of others. That is truly a more loving and Christlike presence. Debate is often just a waste of time and energy - best to simply listen respectfully. When your friends realize you are not interested in debate, they will most likely leave you alone.
- Catherine
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Dear Spiritual Director: My husband is not really interested in spiritual things. I would like to be more involved in my church and be intentional about being part of a spiritual community. How can I get him interested?
- Soul Mateless
Dear Soul Mateless: It is not unusual for spouses to find themselves at different points on the spiritual journey. If those places are so different that it seems that the two journies are incompatible, remember that this is not the only thing your relationship is based on. Accept where your spouse is just as you would want your spouse to accept where you are. Discuss your need for spiritual companionship and a spiritual community and negotiate an agreement about how much time you can devote to this that is comfortable for both of you. For example, your spouse can agree that Sunday mornings are your time to be at church and the rest of the day is for being together with your spouse. Or perhaps your spouse agrees that you will spend a weekday evening at a regular spirituality event and your spouse will take one evening for a different personal activity. Allow space for each partner to attend to those differing spiritual needs without any expectations from the other.
- Catherine |